It's easy to find tips and pointers for producing amazing BBQ in a pit smoker. It seems like everyone is more than happy to share their favorite techniques and recipes. Need a great rub? Someone will give you tip. Want to know how to transform a particular cut of meat into a delicacy? The information is readily available. Heck, you can even find comprehensive comparison charts detailing the distinguishing characteristics of various market-leading BBQ sauces. There's no shortage of information designed to help you and your pit smoker make meals to remember.
We thought we'd break the mold a little bit. Instead of joining the extremely loud chorus of voices telling you how to make brisket into Ambrosia or explaining how to turn something with a name as unattractive as "Boston Butt" into a tasty treat, we decided to sing a different tune. We thought we'd share three ways to create absolutely inedible, atrocious BBQ in a pit smoker.
First, don't cure your smoker. The manufacturer says you should run that baby without food in it long enough to burn off the oils from the manufacturing process, the dust and assorted other nasty stuff. The BBQ gurus second that recommendation. We say "no". If you skip the curing, you can produce a rack of ribs that tastes like a medley of old copper pennies and aluminum beer cans with the delicate finish of spray paint! Mmmm, mmmm, yuck.
Second, cook fast. All of the BBQ pros are slow-smoking meat for the better part of the day. Some guys will spend a full 24 hours on a few slabs of ribs. Haven't they heard? We're living in the 21st century. We cook with microwaves. The pit smoker needs to get with the modern program. Fire that baby up and subject your meat to a higher temperature for a shorter period of time. You'll lose much of the smoky flavor and tenderness, but you'll have food on the table faster and it will satisfy all tastes. Fans of well-done meat will appreciate the crispy exterior while those who like things a little less done will love the cold, neon pink center!
Third, buy the cheapest pit smoker you can possibly find. Why would you spend extra for quality when you can buy a lightweight pop metal tube labeled "Pit Smoker" in your local department store? Sure, the more expensive ones have sturdiness grates. True, the quality models tend to retain heat better due to their solid construction. And they last longer. And they don't have hot and cold spots that make it hard to create consistent "Q". Hey? If you want to make gut-churning "Q" that no one can eat, that stuff doesn't matter. Just buy the El Cheapo model and start hosting the lousiest cookouts your block has ever seen!
Now, if you want to ignore this advice, you might actually end up producing some great BBQ. However, those who really want to do things differently can rest assured that these three pointers will lead to some of the worst food to ever grace a plate!
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